I've decided to help out my fellow humans by giving an unbiased review of the wine I drink ungodly amounts of. No reason I can't put my liver abuse to some good use and share the wonderful and horribly headpoundingly miserable experiences with the rest of you folks so maybe you won't make the same mistakes I have.
An Introduction:
I'm not going to lie, I have absolutely no formal training as a sommeliers (professional wine person) but I do have years of boozing under my belt and I can tell a red from a white most of the time, I'm still a little confused where a blush falls. So don't worry, I may steer you wrong some or all of the time (like that time in France when I accidentally bought cooking Sherry to go with my Roquefort (also accidentally purchased) cheese took a sip, argh!, then a bite of my cheese, In the name of god that’s bad!, and almost lost it) but at least a not so good wine is still a wine, and wine is good.
Let me also say, I am a red wine person. Though I do love wines of all shades and colors, I primarily drink the reds. And I will include an image of the bottle when I get around to taking pictures or scanning in the label (I'm lazy).
As for a rating system, I had considered dividing the drinkability by the number of drinks, subtract the remainder from the number of ounces in the bottle and then multiply that by pie (the food not the math equation) take that, flush it in the toilet and see how many time it takes to go down, before just giving it a score of between -3 and +7. Yes that will be it, and I'll also come up with some completely arbitrary name for each score that will be different each and every time, because it really doesn’t matter and I highly doubt any of you readers really care anyway...
Oh, and I also promise to include any antics the may or may not occur while the imbibing is taking place, not that that kind of thing ever happens to me anyway.
That said, TO THE WINE!
Montecillo Crianza Tinto (Red) -
Quite an easy drinking red Spanish table wine if I do say so myself. The first sip or two were a bit strong in the nose but that passes if you properly let the bottle breath for a bit (or just pound that fist glass or two so that you don't notice anymore or at least just don't care). Some dark fruitiness to it, like plums or cherries and you can most assuredly taste a wood cask (or maybe that’s just me). Over all I would give this one a +3 (The Purple Tooth Award) for good table manors, going well with all kinds of snacks like olives and cheese (if your as pretentious as I am) or just Cheeto's, not inducing nausea, having a good "bouquet", not causing me to act in a silly sort of a way too soon, and mild hungoverness from finishing that 2nd (or 5th maybe?) bottle.
Goes on the good list!
Rated +3
Fetzer -
Now I know some folks may like this staple American wine (it always seems to be the only brand that my relatives can buy for those ill fated "get togethers" that end up with my aunt flying off the side of the road on the bike with two flat tires that she hasn't ridden in an unknown number of years or some cousin deciding that 35 is NOT to old for cartwheels) but I am not a fan. I find it a bit bland, sort of like a glass of juice with ice but the ice is all melted but your out of juice so you drink it anyway. That’s about how I feel about all those Fetzers, not a fan but if you poor it in my glass and I don't have something that’s a bit more tolerable, then I'll throw it down the old pipes for a good time and not complain about it, until someone shows up with something better, then I'll shamelessly make fun of it and anyone who happens to have brought/be currently drinking it. I'd talk about the "nose", but I don't like to put mine near it... As for a rating? I'd have to give it The Fuzzy Eyeballs Award of -1. Awarded for lackluster performance on the old taste buds and an attempt at a standing ovation in the hangover department, nothing says lovin like waking up and feeling like there are two kittens in your head fighting over your eyeballs.
Rated -1
So those are the two wines I remember drinking last weekend, the good old County Liquor and Wine Shoppe is having it's holiday sale so I have quite the mishmash of different and interestingly named wines in my wine cellar (and by cellar I mean the cardboard box in the corner by the washing machine) so I can only be expected to remember the first two or three bottles drank in an evening. Maybe next week I'll try and take notes while I can still write legibly enough to decipher it the following morning, or maybe I'll just look at the empties and make up some more B.S. No worries though, there are a dozen or so bottles left and I plan on making a big "holiday" purchase of heavily discounted wine again this week, or at least enough to get me through the next few weekends. In either case the reviews will keep coming like it or not.
Cheers!
P.S.
I will make some sort of half arsed attempt to learn more "proper" terminology when I can muster enough giveacrapness and I'm not so drunk.
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